Once in a while, I have conversations with the children that I never want to forget. On Friday evening, we were getting ready to go to the playground. Anjali was waiting at the door
"Mummy, why you are always scolding me?"
"I dont always scold you Anjali."
"No mummy, you always scold me."
"Do I?"
"Yes"
"Can you tell me when I scolded you?"
"you scold me when i push Sophia"
"Anjali, Pushing Sophia will hurt her. it is wrong. So I scold you. When children do wrong things, the parent can scold them"
"No mummy. When children do wrong things, the parents should not scold them"
"What should they do then?"
"They should hug them"
It took me a while to digest this.
"Ok. Next time you do wrong thing, I will hug you and then you dont do the wrong thing anymore ok?"
"Ok!"
"But sometimes, mummy may forget to hug you and scold you, because i am so used to it. If I scold you, will you tell me to not scold you and to hug you instead?"
"Ok!"
So over the weekend, everytime Anjali did something naughty, i asked her to give me a hug. if that bit of naughtiness involved Sophia, she would give me a hug and blithely say "Sorry, Sophia!"
Only once I scolded her. Last night, she was helping me make a chocolate cake and was standing on her blue chair. I warned her to not climb on the kitchen counter, as there was a slow cooker full of hot beans and a kettle that i had set with boiling water. She tried to scramble again on the table, as she wanted to sit on the table and watch the cake process. I raised my voice.
"ANJALI!"
She stopped a beat before bursting to tears. I was not bothered so much by the bursting to tears, i know I can handle it well enough. I was bothered more by the pause. It was as if she was waiting for the hug that never came. Husband was in the kitchen and hugged her instead, but I am still a little overcome with the guilt
"Mummy, why you are always scolding me?"
"I dont always scold you Anjali."
"No mummy, you always scold me."
"Do I?"
"Yes"
"Can you tell me when I scolded you?"
"you scold me when i push Sophia"
"Anjali, Pushing Sophia will hurt her. it is wrong. So I scold you. When children do wrong things, the parent can scold them"
"No mummy. When children do wrong things, the parents should not scold them"
"What should they do then?"
"They should hug them"
It took me a while to digest this.
"Ok. Next time you do wrong thing, I will hug you and then you dont do the wrong thing anymore ok?"
"Ok!"
"But sometimes, mummy may forget to hug you and scold you, because i am so used to it. If I scold you, will you tell me to not scold you and to hug you instead?"
"Ok!"
So over the weekend, everytime Anjali did something naughty, i asked her to give me a hug. if that bit of naughtiness involved Sophia, she would give me a hug and blithely say "Sorry, Sophia!"
Only once I scolded her. Last night, she was helping me make a chocolate cake and was standing on her blue chair. I warned her to not climb on the kitchen counter, as there was a slow cooker full of hot beans and a kettle that i had set with boiling water. She tried to scramble again on the table, as she wanted to sit on the table and watch the cake process. I raised my voice.
"ANJALI!"
She stopped a beat before bursting to tears. I was not bothered so much by the bursting to tears, i know I can handle it well enough. I was bothered more by the pause. It was as if she was waiting for the hug that never came. Husband was in the kitchen and hugged her instead, but I am still a little overcome with the guilt
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