Friday, October 7, 2011

Confessions of a Patient Husband and Father

 Swati sent this over yesterday and I really had to post it as a dedication to the man who has to turn fans in the right direction, turn off the lights, make the alarm snooze and push beds around every evening.

Not to forget cleaning the guinea pig cage.

Confessions of a Patient Husband and Father

I read a blog the other day that a woman had written complaining about her "idiot" husband. Now, while I do enjoy teasing my husband, I find that writing about his shortcomings would be a little predictable and would make me fit the stereotype of the nagging housewife a little too well. Instead, I asked him about the things he has had to put up with from both me and our children since becoming a father. Enjoy.
  1. Since becoming a father, my rank in regards to needs has fallen to just above the dog. It's alright with me because I hear that children eventually move out, which means I should move back up- providing my children don't have any grandchildren.
  2. Since becoming a husband, I have realized that if the temperature in the house is not quite right, it is my job to fix it. The phrases, "Is it hot?" or "Honey, aren't you cold?" make me cringe as they are code for, "Get up and make me happy."
  3. Since becoming a father and husband, I have learned that just because you pay for cable television does not in any way mean you get to pick what is on the TV. I am personally hoping that the Bravo network goes bankrupt because if they develop one more franchise of those Housewives, I am going to freakin' lose it.
  4. Remember in all those classic television shows where the wife stays home to clean and cook so that the husband returns home to find a martini and steak waiting for him? Lies, all lies.
  5. I have learned that my wife always needs more sleep than me. It doesn't matter how little I have gotten or how much she has gotten, she wins by default
  6. My wife says that my opinion matters. What she doesn't say is that it only matters if it agrees with hers.
  7. Nine times out of ten, the question, "Tell me what you really think," is a trap.
  8. Since becoming a husband, I find it amazing how I spent many years dressing myself as a single man only to get married and be told that I had no clue as to how to do it. This is another place where marriage is clearly not equal, because if I told my wife that she didn't know how to dress, I would be laughed out of the house.
  9. Apparently, there is no statute of limitations for how long a woman can use the whole "I gave birth" thing to get whatever she wants. I think this is crap; however, I realize by saying this I open myself up to possibility of being stoned to death by women everywhere.
  10. My wife and I share chores. I get the disgusting ones and she gets the ones she wants.
All of this being said, I want to make it clear that I love my marriage and despite it looking as though my wife wears the pants in our relationship, our marriage is truly equal, and she is definitely not telling me to say this as she threatens me by withholding intimacy.

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